Rachel's Vineyard Retreat Ministries Tucson and Southern Arizona, Inc.
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       THE WAY
      OF THE CROSS
 

Station I - Condemnation
I aborted myself long before I aborted my baby when I stepped outside of my failing marriage. 
No one is judging me. I alone am the judge and my judgment is condemnation. No one stands beside me. I stand alone. It is I Lord, who have forsaken your law. 

Station II - Taking Up My Cross
I feel the weight of my sin. I suffer in silence. So one shares my shame.This invisible cross crushes me. 


Station III - Falling
I now fail at every moral test. I am drowning in shame, regret, disgrace, tears, and alcohol. I am worthless so it matters not what ways I abuse this body.

Station IV - Meeting My Mom
You are the perfect Mom and I have failed miserably. You want me to get an annulment. Even though my heart is not in it, I just do it for you. Thank you Mom, because when God brought me Hank, we were able to marry in the church. Before the blessing of Hank, I shy away from Church. Too disgraced and ashamed to let Jesus see me in His Father's house. 

Station V - Help Is Offered
I need help badly. I am so bad. I've lost my self-respect, my God, my integrity, my sobriety. 
Where can I go? I cannot keep doing this. I am so alone. There is a nun from a support group I go to. She say's, "If you need to be mad, be mad at the Church. don't be mad at God." I start going back to Church.

Station VI 
I start tentatively reaching out to God - teach CCD, get to personally know a priest. On the outside, I appear to be OK. But when I wipe my own face in the privacy of my home, all I see is the sin - the image of a woman who turned her back on her baby.

Station VII - Falling Again
Another affair. I honor no one's marriage because there was no honor in my own marriage. 
The wall around my shattered heart is hardening. 

Station VIII - Other Women
Jesus said, "Cry for your children." I cry at the sight of women with their beautiful, precious babies. I can only experience hurt and pain at their sight. Jealousy and envy are not options for a sinner like me. 

Station IX - Still Falling
Back at church now, pretending that I feel forgiven.Attending a retreat-singing songs of worship, trying desperately to speak in tongues, wanting to feel worthy of this gift. I can't do it with Satan whispering, then screaming, in my ear that my soul is black. I run from the church in tears. 

Station X - Stripped   (At the Rachel's Vineyard Retreat Weekend)
I'm at the end of my strength. I cannot shoulder the weight of the sorrow and disgrace another step. I strip myself of the deceit.I confess to the Priest. I tell the Group Leader my story. I do feel Forgiven and Set Free. 
I bare it all at Rachel's Vineyard.I am naked before Jesus in my sin-fulness. No more pretending, no more facades. 

Station XI - Crucified
I stretch out my arms and beg for the forgiveness of my Savior. "See my wounds, Lord, and have pity on me, a sinner."

Station XII - Die
I must let the sin die or perish. My Savior has forgiven me and, for the first time, I believe it. 
When my heart was wrapped in the healing band, Jesus began to heal the pain. Thank you, Jesus, for helping me give up my rock.

Station XIII - Taken Down
Being released from the cross of shame, disgrace, and self-hatred, 
I lie limp after the Rachel's Vineyard retreat. It is such a relief to not be nailed to living a life in which I cannot look on the face of Jesus. Thank you for your love, Jesus, and for sending me help. 

Station XIV - Buried
What is buried? A lot of the pain, belief that I am a monster, 
my failure to understand God's mercy. Regret, of course, remains. But, at the end of my life, when I am buried, through God's unimaginable mercy, I will be able to meet my little girl. That will be a joyous day for me.








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  • Home / Inicio
    • You are not alone! / No está solo!
    • Upcoming Retreats / Próximo Retiros
  • Start Retreat Registration Here / Comienza el registro para retiro aquí
  • Our Mission / Nuestra Misión
    • Our Board and Team
  • Contact Us / Contáctenos
    • Donate Here / Donar Aqui
  • Testimonies / Testimonios
  • Special words from / Palabras especially de ...
  • The Way of The Cross / Vía Crucis a la Cruz
  • Helpful Resources / Recursos Útiles